Shaking Off the Winter Blues

It's been ages since I last wrote a blog for my on-line journal. What has been happening over the past two months? I'm not even really sure. Partly I haven't made any journal entries because I've been extremely busy and partly because I always get the winter blues in February and March, but now spring is truly emerging and I'm feeling blissful.

I've added quite a bit of content to the website at www.BohemianArtStudio.com, including a book review of Love, Anarchy, and Emma Goldman by Candace Falk.

I've been attending the Dead Asimovs Society writers' group meetings every two weeks and now have a page for that event on my website.

This past weekend, Ken and I went out for a photo shoot. Those images are now available on my website as well, under the headings Spring Emerging and Nature Photography.

On Sunday, we went to the photographers' meeting with the group from Denver Of Iniquity (which is changing it's name to Dark Artists in order to include more visual artists than just photographers). We met at the Netherworld Cafe on 13th and Pennsylvania in downtown Denver. That place is a work of art in itself, worthy of being photographed, but the battery in my camera had died and I didn't have another one, so I'm planning to go back and take some pictures next Sunday.

The other highlight of my weekend was getting a new bed, which I got for free! But it requires some assembly and I didn't have the bolts I needed, so I haven't put it together yet. As soon as it's put together, I plan to do some more interior design shots which I will add to the website as well.

Hopefully now that spring is emerging, I will have more energy from the sunlight and warmth so I'll not only be able to get more done, but keep up on my journal as well. Well, my day at the office has come to an end. Time for me to be heading home.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

The world is appearing more and more insane to me each day. You should pick up a copy of the latest Newsweek.... if you can handle it. Did you ever see that movie Devil's Advocate? There’s a powerful lawyer who is Satan and the people who work for him are his minions. One woman is able to see the truth. When she sees them as they really are, they turn into horrific-looking demons with horns and fangs.

Open up Newsweek and you'll see a picture of Bush and his wife dancing over a huge symbol of the White House. There are his two daughters, looking like young strapping fascists. And a picture of a crowd of people all dressed in black and white at his inauguration. It looks like a scene from Nazi Germany. Turn the page and you'll see the beautiful Iraqi children, their faces covered with blood and terror, crying because their parents have just been shot and killed by American marines. What is the point of all this genocide and destruction?

Day in and day out I walk to a job where I kill trees and poison the Earth. A job that is completely and utterly meaningless to me and offers absolutely nothing useful to the world. But I do it because I have yet to find some other way survive.

Whether I like it or not, I live in fear and play my dutiful role in Ahriman's plan. But I ask myself, what choices do I have? Adding myself to the ranks of the homeless and unemployed people drifting the streets of Denver won't help me or anyone else. I have to find a viable solution.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

It's been a busy week. Friday night was my writers' meeting. Ken, Eric, Jeff, and I went to Old Chicago's. Sarina came along too. It was a good meeting. Jeff's science fiction story "The Unification Chronicals" is coming along well. He'll be publishing it on-line soon as a serial and I'll post a link on my website. Eric's story was good too. Ken didn't submit anything because he was out of town on business. But he did pay for the food! And that's always appreciated.

That reminds me that I'm planning to post the first chapter of three novels I'm working on. I'll post new chapters on a regular basis after that.

On Saturday, I went over to Ken's house for a photoshoot. We rented some movies too. I got to see Cat Woman and now it's my favorite movie. I loved the strong female character. I also liked her because she's an artist. I could really relate to the character.

On Sunday, I went over to Ken's again for another photoshoot. In the afternoon, we went to meet David McKibben in person whom I originally met though the New Tribal Network at www.Ishmael.com. He's building an intentional community in Mitchell, Nebraska. You can check out his website at www.PioneerTrailsInstitute.org.

Well, that's about it for now. Back to the daily grind.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Well, it's Tuesday morning. I should be getting ready for work (at the law firm), but I'm exhausted. I need more sleep. I don't feel like getting ready for work, but I'm afraid to let myself go back to sleep. So I'm writing in my journal since it's been a while.

On Sunday, Ken and I went to a photographers' meeting. It's a group called Denver of Iniquity. They have a website at www.DenverofIniquity.com. We decided that we're going to focus on selling prints and posters of my paintings and his photography. We'll sell on-line through www.BohemianArtStudio.com. I also need to get us signed up to sell at the Ball Park Flea Market this spring. Of course, we have no idea how successful we'll be in this venture, but we have to start somewhere.

I need to get the website set up for ecommerce. We'll be getting together this evening to work on formatting the pages and take some pictures.

Other than that, I'm still working on writing essays and reviews for the website. I'm currently reading Social Anarchism or Lifestyle Anarchism by Murray Bookchin. So hopefully I'll have something to post on that soon.

Well, friends, I think that's about it. I guess it's time for me to face the cold harsh reality that I must soon be outside in the chill gray Denver winter, walking to the posh corporate law firm where I will spend the next eight hours killing trees and poisoning the Earth so that I can pay the rent and feed myself.

Note: I should acknowledge that I do appreciate my employer. There are many good people working at the law firm. It's just that things are out of balance in this world and we need to get them back into balance by making the needs of other living beings a higher priority.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Yesterday I walked home for lunch and while I was at home I started crying because I didn't want to go back to the law firm where I work. Of course, I did go back. What else could I do? I'm still dependent upon that system for survival. But it breaks my heart to have to spend my life locked inside all day, killing trees and poisoning the Earth all the time in order to survive. Most of the people I work with can't even make the effort to notice the difference between the recycle bin and the garbage can, much less anything else.

Recently they implemented a new system at the firm where you have to enter a client number in order to print anything. That way it gets charged to the client. I'm happy about it because the accountability will reduce wastefulness. But one woman in the office was complaining about it so I pointed out that it would make people less wasteful. Her response was, "Law firms have always been wasteful. That's just the way they are." I was so dumbfounded, I didn't even know what to say.

So I'm STILL trying to figure out how to survive in this world without killing the planet and contributing to the suffering of other human beings. I'm working on the website for that purpose (and selling art). I love writing the articles and reviews so much, but as always I need some way to make money and I figure helping artists will be less of a philosophical crisis for me. And it will be good for them too.

Sunday, January 9, 2005

Of all the seasons in Denver, winter is the least attractive, but it could be better if we made a little effort. I wonder if other artists are like this: I’m always envisioning the world as a work of art, as if I’m walking through a work of art. It’s sort of like the movie What Dreams May Come. The main character Christi dies and when he arrives in the afterlife, he finds himself inside of a painting; the paint is still wet. It’s sort of like that (except the paint is dry). But it’s especially true because I express myself in so many different media.

Sarina and I walked to the library today. It was a beautiful day in January. The sky was clear blue, the sun shining bright and warm. If I didn’t know it was early January, I’d think it was spring. There were still some patches of snow on the ground from a recent snow storm, but that is common in spring as well. I’m already looking forward to hearing birds, seeing the birds on the trees, the grass turning bright green, and the spring flowers emerging. The block I live on is owned by a property management company and is well-kept and beautiful, but as soon as we crossed the street to the next block, things changed drastically and I was disturbed by what I saw. There was trash strewn all over the ground, and dog shit on the ground and on the sidewalk.

I watched Sarina in her shiny black shoes skip around the offending, smelly shit. Then we approached a pile of junk on the ground in front of one building. Someone had been evicted; their whole life thrown out on the street. I was horrified and my mood plunged by the ugliness of the world. I sunk into a deep melancholia and my head ached. For the rest of the day, I felt depressed and couldn’t figure out how to pull myself out of it. Stuff like that makes me so angry and depressed, I just don’t know how to deal with it.

At the library, I picked up a couple of interesting books, hoping something would engage my mind, inspire me, and lift me out of the depressed mood. I’m not saying it’s the best solution to the problem, but I didn’t know what else to do.

I checked out Radical Simplicity by Jim Merkel. I’d read it a year ago and was impressed with it. I wanted to read it again for the purpose of writing a review for the website and continue to increase my awareness of my impact upon the Earth and how I might live more in harmony with the Earth. (Click here to read the review.)

So I’m reading Radical Simplicity and writing a review, but my head is still aching and my stomach is still nauseous. Sometimes it feels so painful, I guess because I can’t understand why it’s not painful to others. How can humans live this way? How can they be this way? I just don’t understand it. How can we not live as a community? How can we be so hurtful, wasteful, and destructive?

Am I saying that the landowner should not be allowed to evict a tenant who doesn’t pay or behave responsibly? No, that’s not quite the point I’m trying to make here. What I’m saying is that we desperately need better solutions because this solution is not right! There have to be other solutions – better solutions. Throwing a human being and everything they own out on the street in the middle of winter is bullshit!

Friday, January 7, 2005

I want to explain why I created this website. The reasons are basically two-fold, but they are intimately related in my mind. One of the reasons was my desire to be self-employed. I want the work I do to come from my heart. We live in a world that requires us to work. Even if money weren't an issue (imagine living in a tribe or a commune where money is not used) everyone would still have to work. It's a necessity of survival -- building shelters, gathering food, clothing ourselves (as protection from the elements), gathering fuel, collecting water, cleaning up. These are tasks that are basic to life no matter where you live or at what time in history. In fact, money is an invention that allows some people to avoid work, and/or to hoard more of the collective fruits of labor to themselves.

Work is something that will always be with us. What is at issue is the quantity and quality of work that we do. It would be beneficial for all people to begin to take a serious look at this issue for two reasons (and these are related to the two reasons why I created this website).

The first reason is that we don't need to work as much as we do. The idea of full-employment (every able adult working 40 hours per week) is preposterous! And the second reason is that it's destroying the Earth!

Our economic system is like a fast-spreading cancer across the body of the Earth because it's based on growth and consumption. We need to slow this down, get the cancer under control. But I know this isn't easy. It's a catch-22. We end up forced to work 40 hours per week to make money to pay the bills because the prices are based on everyone working 40 hours per week. You can only cut back so far because the water level is set at everyone working 40 hours per week. Some people can't cut back at all because their hourly wage is too low.

Most people find it impossible to go against the flow and give into it. Not only do they give into it, but because they work so hard, give so much of their life-energy to their work, they then spend every penny (plus go into debt) in an attempt to salve the pain. And that too is part of going with the flow. Buy a big house; fill it will nice furniture; buy fancy clothes; buy a shiny new car; go on exotic vacations. We all know how it works.

Well, most people are simply sold on this system and nothing short of utter environmental or economic devastation is going to change that. But I know for a fact that there are many people out there who would give anything to get out of that system for the chance to do work that comes from their heart. But like everyone else, we need money to survive in this world too. I can't say I've found the solution, but I won't give up trying.

I have some idea of what's needed. I have a vision in mind and this website is the first glimpse of that vision. The things humans need first and foremost for survival are: clean water, food, and shelter. I could probably survive on $750 per month if I didn't have to work. That's enough to cover housing and food for myself and my daughter, but since I have to work in order to earn that $750, my daughter has to go to day care while I'm at work, so that raises my monthly expenses to $1000 per month. So when I think about my goal, I can think about finding a means of self-employment that allows me to earn at least this much.

The second thing is to find other people who share my vision and we can put our resources together to live and work communally (or tribally, as Daniel Quinn says). If we put our resources together, it will actually require less from each person to provide ourselves with the clean water, shelter, food, energy, and other things that we need. Right now, our economic and cultural system pushes us to be individualistic which requires more from each person to provide these basic needs. As I said, this system is based on growth and consumption and individualism works in favor of growth and consumption.

So one reason I created this website was to create a means of self-employment for myself and others, and to begin to build a community in order to free ourselves from the current economic system.

The second reason, which I said is intimately related, is the environment. A system based on growth and consumption, which makes profit the highest value, has led to serious environmental devastation. I'm not blaming everything on it. There are plenty of examples of environmental destruction that had nothing to do with capitalism (but were still caused by growth and consumption). And there are many examples of capitalism that have worked to benefit the environment, such as new forms of technology that are better for the environment.

I'm not going to make the simplistic statement here that all problems in the world are caused by capitalism. It has to do with values. If we value the environment, we will protect it regardless of our economic system. If we don't value the environment, we will destroy it.

Yes, we live in a world where we have to earn money in order to survive. But that doesn't mean we have to destroy the environment to meet our needs and live comfortably. We can be conscious of the way we exist in the world.

Yet it does appear that our work in the world is intimately tied to how we interact with our environment. As Thomas Berry pointed out in The Great Work, creating jobs and protecting the environment do not have to be in opposition to each other. The two can complement each other. In fact, this makes more sense to me than just about anything I can think of. But unfortunately, the world hasn't yet caught on to the logic of this.

If you are here reading these words, and you understand the vision I'm trying to create, what I'm asking of you is to put yourself in the vanguard. The world is going to change drastically in the next 45 years. Things can get better or they can get worse. The human condition is dependent upon what we do now.

If you can imagine yourself stepping into a time machine and visiting the year 2050, what do you see? Do you see a world of 12 billion people where the majority live on the edge of death in a barren desert while those of us who are "fortunate" scrape by in concrete and steel jungles?

Or do you see all humans living close to the Earth, breathing fresh air and eating nutritous foods and drinking clean water, where the beauty and bio-diversity of nature have been preserved? Can you envision a world where you work fewer hours in a way that is deeply meaningful to you?

The future will arrive on schedule, but what will we see when we get there? It depends on what we do now. It's not just about the future. It's about the here and now. Create work that is meaningful to you right here, right now. Learn to live in harmony with the environment right here, right now.

Why?

I won't bother to answer that question because if you don't already know the answer to that question then nothing I say will make a bit of difference. My words will just be little smudges behind glass.

If you understand my vision, if you share that vision, then bring it forth with all the passion within you and create your work, create your community, create the world. Right here. Right now.